Redirecting...

I've figured out that I write a whole lot more in my other blog than I do in here. Mainly because I've forgotten from time to time that this one exists. Please feel free to visit my other blog (and possibly grade me, T101 folks, on that one in addition to this one):

http://www.xanga.com/fearlesscoward95

What have I done?

I woke up this morning, and I seriously had to spend about 10 minutes in bed, trying to seperate out what I had dreampt and what was actually reality. My past few days have honestly been that crazy.
And then I realized that I have been a moron, in more ways then one, and about so many things.
I've judged, I've put myself in danger. I've been irresponsible when I should KNOW BETTER. I've put things off so long that they can no longer be fixed. I've been angry for no reason. I've been angry for a reason and been to immature to confront the person about it. I've taken advantage of people. I've purposely made people feel akward and/or offended. I've spent too much money. I'm failing a class. I take my friends and family for granted. I've partied too much. I've been a hypocrite, and I've thought that I'm better than others.
And that's only part of the list...
So, for anyone I've hurt, taken for granted, taken advantage of, offended, been angry at, or felt superior than...I'm sorry. I truely am.
What this has to do with the general topic of the blog, is that this is the best way for me to apologize. Better yet, maybe someone out there will read this, and give me some sound advice. Because, I could surely use some...

Hi! Wanna have ambigous sex?

"hey just came across your profile, your are very beautiful. well anyways im eric and im down here chillin in b-town. so if u wana chat or do anything hit me up at SHSGuardguy2004 on Aim."

That was the message I came across when I last checked my MySpace. (Yes, that's right, I admit it, I keep a MySpace. It's a long story about how and why I have one, so, please don't ask...) But MySpace is, for me anyway, simply a means to communicate with my friends that I forged a relationship with in person. Call me old-fashioned if you must, but I like to see facial expression and hear inflicion and tone of voice when I communicate with someone--at least at first (because after awhile, it's pretty easy to imagine the tone of a conversation with someone whom you are familiar simply by typed text). I also meet my friends through other friends and aquaintances because it gives me a sense of security to know that someone I trust, trusts this person that is unfamiliar to me.

Maybe that's why this particular message has me confused and a little rattled. eric (who appearantly doesn't believe in using capital letters or proper grammer) is completely unknown to me. Not only does he introduce himself in his note, but then immediatly invites me to hang out or "anything" and gives me his contact information. Am I wrong in thinking this is all a little forward?

But my imagination doesn't stop there. Now, more than likely, this guy is just lonely, new to the area, and a little unfamiliar with how to properly communicate with the opposite sex. But, for me this situation is a little too familiar and more than a little uncomfortable. Maybe I should rewind...

When I was thirteen and new to the internet, I went into chat room and communicated with complete strangers quite frequently. That is, until I met "adam" (again, he didn't really put much into using capital letters, either). Adam seemed like an okay guy; he instant messaged (IM'd) me after I posted my age, sex, and location (a/s/l) in the chat room. We talked for hours, and I was really enjoying myself, especially since adam was older than me (he was 16) and from the area (he lived about 10 minutes from my house). So I easily agreed when he asked that we "hang out". We did, and things quickly went down hill. It was appearant from the very start that he wanted me to do something sexual with him. The things Adam was insinuating made me feel uncomfortable the whole time, and by the time we were done hanging out, I never really cared to see him anymore.

Adam had other plans, though.

Adam wouldn't stop calling or coming by my house. After I made it clear that I didn't really want to see him anymore, he got scary. He made threats and said preverted things to me. He showed up at my school in hopes to confront me. In the end, it took the quick thinking of my parents and a restraining order to get him away from me and out of my life.

Hopefully, that explains my hesitant nature in reguards to Eric, as well as my previous skittish behavior around men in general.

But what to do with "eric"? That's the real question. How should I respond, if I should respond at all? Do I give this guy the benefit of the doubt, and go by my Christian background and believe no one is undeserving of my friendship and love? Ethically, I feel obligated to respond to a frendily letter, but what if he isn't trying to be friendly, or, worse...what if he's trying to be TOO friendly?

So now, after getting over the initial shock of such an ubrupt letter from nowhere, I sit here trying to anaylze exactly what he means with every single word. "your are very beautiful", I have to determine whether it's a compliment, or if it's a quick attempt to try to get something from me. Everything that normal conversation could place, by tone of voice, how it was said, etc., is skewed to having various meanings. Which makes me feel skewed as a result. Instead of being flattered, I presonally feel a mix of emtion, and most of all suspicious, and guilty because of that suspicion.

So here I sit. I thing I'll send a message back. Short, sweet, and yet vague. I'm not in a rush to get myself in a dangerous situation, but who am I to say no to someone who is simply looking for a friend?

Can I just mention that I truly enjoy the internet? This may not be so profound, but the statement is true all the same. Despite pop-up and banner ads, spam, and viriuses, the internet is still so incredibly accessable.
In the past fifteen minutes, I checked my mail, checked the weather report, read the latest headlines, did a little research for two different classes, talked to three friends, updated my personal profile on facebook, sent out a few messages to people I need to meet with...all in a minimal amount of time. Just the amout of research I did would have taken me hours to do in a library, and even then, the information would probably have been severly outdated. All the communication to my friends, advisor, parents, and my brother were done almost simultaniously, where I would have probably spent hours on the phone.
And did I mention this was all free?

Since when does there need to be a website for every single movie coming out? I don't understand this phenomona...it's not necessarily a bad thing, don't get me wrong, I just don't understand.

I mean, websites that are made after a movie comes out makes all the sense in the world. People who enjoyed the movie can create forums to talk about it, share files, create a virtual community around the film. I get that. But, why create the community before the movie is even released? Why give into the hype?

What if the movie that has an pre-made fanbase, is a bust? What happens to the website? What happens to the forums, file sharing, the virtual community as a whole? Does it disband? Does it remain, simply to discuss how aweful the movie was, and how they were such suckers for supporting something they didn't really know anything about?

Or are the websites created to let someone know about the movie...without actually watching the movie?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against the film industry or the internet. I am an extreme fan of both, and plan to go into either as my future career. But sometimes, I don't see the point in messing the chronology of how popularity is supposed to work. There used to be a time when something had to gain popularity by actually being good, instead of simply being significantly hyped up before it's primere.

And if I get on more pop-up add for the next slasher film that's coming out, saying I need to learn more about it by going to the movie's site...there might be a horror movie coming out about me in the next year.

And I'll be damned if it won't have its own website, too.

It's amazing how digital technology is changing the way we document the world around us. For example, I was at a party over the weekend. Usually at parties, someone has a camera, and snaps a few photos, but not too many because, well, film and film processing is rather costly, and spending a whole lot of money on a bunch of drunken photos where the fingers are covering the lens half the time is not a good investment of time or money.
Now enter the digital camera.
I personally do not own a digital camera (I don't like the delay, and I enjoy developing my own photos in a darkroom), but my friends do. The day after the party, there were literally 187 photographs of this party. That's a lot of pictures, which don't cost anything to share (since all 187 pictures are now proudly displayed over the internet on my friend's website). I have free access to the photos: meaning I can print them off, save them to my computer, share them with my friends and family, get them developed in the traditional method. 187 memories, if you will, where, had it not been for the technology, I'd probably have two or three pictures at the most.

The Smart House

So, I've been thinking about this idea which came up in discussion on Friday, about the fully integrated house. Imagine, everything in the home running either on a timer or by remote control. Granted, this technology would save a lot of time, but what are we losing? I, for one, would like to wake up and have my shower already running, my blinds already opened, and my coffee brewing; but I also know that I am not a morning person, and at some base level, need that morning work routine to being to function decently. So not only are the benefits, at least for me, drawn from having a hot shower, drinking fresh coffee, and seeing the sun shining out of my window, but I also need to create those things for myself...I need to, in a sense, lure myself into thinking about what I am doing and going to do.
I guess what I'm asking is: is the potential for a "smart house" really beneficial for the consumer?